Daily Thoughts...

Today's weather kind of remindes me of relationships. It can be nice one day, and then snowing the next day it feels like that's how my relationship went, but I am realizing that it took time to get this way. We may have been feeling this way a long time for each other but neither one of us was ready to take the first step. Which brings me to this if your in a relationship and not sure if you want to be in or out, then communicate this with your siginficant other, don't let them hold on for years only to find out later that you wasn't all in, talk about making someone feel like the world just caved in on them. Anyway I am glad to be alive, because I have three crazy, beautiful, different, and amazing babies that bring more joy to my life than anything else in this world. Get your heart and your head in tune with each other because if there not you could make choices that could make or break you. God Bless

Daily Thoughts...

Today is another great day outside, and I have to sit in the office and look at the sunshine outside. I have had a good last couple of days, haven't been losing my mind over nothing. I get my kids this weekend so that should be fun, I know my daughter can't wait to come over. Not much going on today, can't wait for the weekend and relax. I think of how crazy, your emotions can be on a day to day basis with any type of relationship, I have a good friend who's brother died and her, and her family are having a hard time with it for obvious reasons. The reason why I said that is because our brains are so complex that it can make you do, and think things that may not be correct or true but our brains tend to over do everything. Sometimes when I am sitting around thinking, and thinking, and thinking, etc, I think that there are worse situations that i could be in, and I thank god I am not, and it helps me keep things in perspective. I believe if you woke up today then everything else is icing on the cake.

Daily Thoughts...

Today as I started out my day I felt really good, I got ready early today so I could enjoy the morning a little before I went to work. Last night I wrote a letter to my daughter telling her how special she is to me and I went over to my x house and put it on the car so when she went to school this morning she would have some flowers and a letter. She is ten and I feel like my relationship with her could be stronger, and I feel like it is becoming stronger because I tell her she can talk to me about anything, and I always set aside time for just me and her, also I am a father first I don't mess around with not getting homework, chores, and whatever else done first, play second. Today mentally, and emotionally is ten times better isn't it amazing how complex the human brain is? It's hard to put yourself in check when you go through something and mentally you go through so many emotions. I think once you recognize those emotions they become easier to deal with. I have been horrible at this the past year, beating myself up constantly over nothing, which everyday is a great learning experience. I had a meeting yesterday, and in the meeting they talk about how humans are always looking at what there neighbor has and they always want more. But we fail to stop and think that what we have is good enough, so what if we drive a ten year old car, so what if your pants, shirts whatever is ten years old, if we are smart we would stop worrying about what we don't have and thank God for the things we do have. If you think about it there are 6,981,733,614 people on the planet and growing, there are 308,604,142 in the U.S. so chances are we are doing pretty good, most people in third world countries would look at us and the cars we drive, and the clothes we wear and think we are the wealthiest people on the planet, so it helps put a lot of things in perspective for me.

Where To Start!!!

I have never blogged before so please forgive me if this seems a little dry, and maybe seems like I don't know what I am saying. I think that is because i think faster than I can type. I am a single father of three lovely kids. Ayana 10, Zeke 3, and Kingston 1. I was married for six years and had ups and downs like any marriage but I didn't figure out a way to fix my marriage until it was over. I now have been mentally killing myself now for over a year, and it is not good for me nor is it my kids. I am having a hard time letting the marriage go, and I go over and over in my head a thousand times a day as to what I could have done better. I miss my now x wife with great intensity, and it affects everyone around me. I have so much anger because I know that I played a major role in my divorce. I feel like I am the only one going through this when it is not the case. I have been trying to figure out why am I so angry, and forgive myself so I can have a better life for myself my, my kids, and my x wife because we are going to still need each other even if we are not together.